


not the preferred kind of beard

by bittlebunny (american_homos_story)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, and jack chirps as usual so i love him a lot, and lardo is supportive as usual and i love her, in which Bitty is a mess as usual but i still love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 10:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6562228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/american_homos_story/pseuds/bittlebunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The taddies are starting to figure it out. Me and Jack, I mean.”</p><p>“Well, to be fair, you haven’t exactly been subtle-“</p><p>“And I realize that now, but it’s too late to be more careful, so I just need you to pretend it was you all along!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	not the preferred kind of beard

Bitty bursts into Lardo’s room, completely out of breath. She looks up from her homework, an eyebrow cocked quizzically as he tries to get a hold of himself.

“I need you…to pretend…we’re dating,” he says in between breaths.

Lardo laughs and sits up, still looking confused. “Bits, what the fuck are you talking about?”

He takes another second to control his rushing pulse and collapses onto the bed next to her.

“The taddies are starting to figure it out. Me and Jack, I mean.”

“Well, to be fair, you haven’t exactly been subtle-“

“And I realize that now, but it’s too late to be more careful, so I just need you to pretend it was you all along!”

“Um, do they not know that you’re gay?”

He blinks at her. “I don’t recall specifically telling any of them, but I guess it’s possible one of the other team members told someone…”

“Alright listen, I’ll do this for you, just this once. Because I’m a fucking good friend. And also you make a damn good boyfriend. But you have to take me out to dinner, and you’re paying!”

* * *

Things go fairly well at first. The plan is almost similar to what Bitty and Jack have going: Lardo is more or less a secret girlfriend (their reasoning is it might be suspicious for one of the players to be dating the manager. Or something.) So all she really has to do is pretend to be doing the same things Bitty is. She uses her phone a lot more and smiles at it (she’s scrolling through the puppies tag on Tumblr), she forces herself to always be in good spirits, she even takes a few extra polaroids of Bitty to hang on her wall so he’s more prominent. They try to spend as much time together as possible. 

Most of the tadpoles are smart enough to put the pieces together, believe it or not, and there are no questions about it at first to Bitty’s relief.

One day after practice though, things fall apart.

“Bits, we’re uh…We’re worried about you brah,” Ransom says to him as he pulls Bitty aside, Holster nodding in agreement.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you’re always smiling at your phone, you have a little Lego version of Jack in your room…” then he lowers his voice to a whisper, “and I saw your calendar.”

He starts to stammer a response but Holster continues. “I think we need to find you a man, Bits.”

Eric’s heart breaks when he realizes that his friends think he’s hung up on Jack, and Jack doesn’t return those feelings. To make the situation that much worse, Tango overhears. 

“A man? But what about Lardo?” Tango asks.

Ransom actually snorts and Holster looks at Bitty suspiciously. “Yeah Bits, what about Lardo?”

“Oh did you guys not realize?” Tango says. “I’m pretty sure they’re dating, so Bitty doesn’t really want a man! And why a man by the way?” He gasps. “Wait, Bitty, are you bisexual? I think I might be bisexual, I’ve kissed mostly girls but one time I kissed my best friend when we were 15 and I really liked it so I’m not sure, and there was also…”

Tango’s voice trails off as Ransom pulls him away, still pretending to listen.  
“Are you gonna explain?”

Bitty just shakes his head. 

* * *

 

Later that night he gets a call from Jack. He can feel his whole body relax, tension releasing as he picks up and breathes, “Hey, Jack.”

The first thing Jack says is, “So I heard you’re cheating on me?”

Bitty is surprised at first, wondering how he found out. Lardo must have told him. Then he starts to laugh, and he doesn’t stop for a good minute or so.

“Bits, you ok?” Jack asks when Eric starts to slow down.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…everything is a mess,” he says as he wipes tears from his eyes and sighs. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Some of the new guys were starting to get suspicious and I wanted to stop that. I think the plan kinda fell apart because Ransom and Holster found out, but if it’s any consolation the taddies are gonna be confused as hell now.”

Jack chuckles. “You had to have known it was only gonna work for so long,” he says. Bitty is relieved because Jack isn’t mad, just amused.

“Yeah I guess I didn’t think far enough ahead on this one…”

“So is it true you have a Lego version of me?”

“Don’t you dare chirp me right now Jack Zimmermann, we’re in the middle of what may be a mild crisis.”

Jack sighs. “Bits, whatever happens, we’re gonna be ok. We…we have each other, and I know that’s enough to get through anything that comes our way.”

“Yeah,” Bitty murmurs, his phone held to his face the way he wishes he could hold Jack.

“So promise me you won’t fake date anyone else, alright?”

Bitty giggles. “Yeah, I promise.”

“Ok,” Jack says, and Bitty can visualize the way he’s smiling, his eyes are clear and full of brightness and a little bit droopy and the corners of his mouth are turned up. It’s a smile Bitty won’t ever get out of his mind. “I love you Eric.”

“Love you too Jack,” he says, hanging up the phone.

He then sends a quick text to Lardo:  
**_Hey, I think we may need to break up. It’s not u, it’s me :/ #RipBardo_**

He waits a few seconds until he sees Lardo has read the message, then laughs as she screams from her room in fake agony, “ _NOT LIKE THIS_!”

**Author's Note:**

> Come like/reblog it on Tumblr too!!! ([x](http://bittlebunny.tumblr.com/post/142847591473/if-youre-still-accepting-prompts-76-with-bitty))


End file.
